You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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