i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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