I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
