I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
