1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
