dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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