Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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