No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
