I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
