Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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