is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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