at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
