I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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