Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
