giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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