Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i think my cat just said my name.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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