I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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