On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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