I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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