Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
