i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
