This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we should paint friendship bongs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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