i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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