he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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