Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
