He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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