So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
