Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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