there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
