Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
