i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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