'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
