I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Pooping to opera.
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