You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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