i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
