Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
