All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
