No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
