I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize