6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
