Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
