At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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