it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
