So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
