separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
