I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
