Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
