I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
