Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
