if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
