No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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