I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
