You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
