I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
