I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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