if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
birth control should be required to get into college
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
