I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
