Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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