Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just gargled with NyQuil
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
