i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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