Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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