Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
