thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize