Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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