OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
