the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sext me about skeletons
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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