somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
