we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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