I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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