somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
