Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
