I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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