that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
