The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
