ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You are a genius and a whore.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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