I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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