my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
