I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
