Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
