i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
