everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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