I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
