That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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