How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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