look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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