why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
