Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
