don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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