Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
