dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
