Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
