how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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