Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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