You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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