this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What a dumb baby whore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
