The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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