dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude. I can hear the air.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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