The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
