so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
