There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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