Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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