So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
