I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
