seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We smell like vodka and hangover
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