She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
