i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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