I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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