i will never coherently bang her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
