There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
