Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
