good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
