all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
