I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
