Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
